Uptown Funk…or is it?

I’m deaf. Its a fact that I’ve come to accept. I’m the person who hears absolutely unrelated shit in every single conversation I have.

Ironically, I really like music.

Here is a list of traits that can lead you to be a very embarrassed public singer:

  1. Hearing disability-Check.
  2. Knowing every other song that’s playing-Check.
  3. A twisted mind-Hell yeah CHECK bitch.

I guess you can tell that I regularly embarrass myself by singing all sorts of fucked up lyrics.

To prove my point, I’ll give you an example. Its likely that some of this might stick with you the next time you listen to the song. But I’m gonna ask you to go through it anyway.


Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson ft Bruno Mars

If you don’t know this song, please gtfo the rock you’re living under. Bracketed italics are the original lyrics.

This shit

(This hit)

That ice cold

Michelle fights for the white gold

(Michelle Pfieffer, that white gold)

This one for them hood girls

Them good girls

Straight masturbators

(Straight masterpieces)

Silent, violent

(Stylin, while in)

Livin it up in the city

Got my tux on and I’m sailing on

(Got Chucks on with Saint Laurent)

Gotta kiss myself I’m so pretty

I’m too hot (hot damn)

Call the police and the fireman

I’m too hot(hot damn)

In my rag and bone attire, man

(Make a dragon wanna retire, man)

I’m too hot(hot damn)

Say my name you know who I am

I’m too hot(hot damn)

I’m a bank with all that money

(Am I bad about that money)

Break it down

Girl, shit your hallelujah, ooh x4

Cause I’m a tampon, gon give it to ya

(Cause uptown funk, gone give it to ya)

Cause I’m a tampon, gon give it to ya

(Cause uptown funk, gone give it to ya)

Cause I’m a tampon, gon give it to ya

(Cause uptown funk, gone give it to ya)

Saturday night, your V in the spot

(Saturday night, we in the spot)

Don’t believe me? Just watch.


Wait a minute

Fill my cup,put some nigger in it

(Fill my cup, pour some liquor in it)

Take a sip, shiny chick

(Take a sip, sign the check)

Julio, get the stitch

(Julio, get the stretch)

Ride to Harlem, Hollywood, Jackson, Mississippi

If we show up, we gon’ show out

Smoother than a fresh, dried spitty

(Smoother than a fresh jar o’ Skippy)

So yeah. Its now about violence,racism and fucking menstruation. Definitely not what Bruno Mars thought he was singing.

You’re welcome. It was a pleasure ruining the song for you 🙂


One thought on “Uptown Funk…or is it?

  1. i hear fine, in fact people say my ears are sharp, but swear to god, i heard this almost exact same version of song. specially the liquor part. i had to listen quite closely to make that out.

    Liked by 1 person

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