Mid-shower epiphany of the day: Cellphone = bae.
Before you pour in the judgment on how shallow and meaningless my shower thoughts are (believe me when I say I’ve thought about everything from nuclear wars to the string theory while in there), hear me out. I have enough reasons to believe that I am ,in fact, in a cheesy, sleazy relationship with my phone and that its probably better than any other human I could possibly be interested in. Here’s why:
- My phone is the first thing I want to and always do wake up to in the morning. And it does the most excellent job of making sure I don’t end up being late.
- It knows my life inside out. Its almost scary how on point Siri suggestions always are.
- It remembers everything I tell it. EVERYTHING. Does your boyfriend? Heh.
- It never lets me get bored. For hours.
- It listens to me. Yes sometimes I speak to my phone. No, not to someone using my phone. Just basically speak at it. Problem?
- I shower with it. Yes I do take my phone in the shower with me. Stop judging already man.
- I sleep with it. And continuing with that theme, it has seen me nekkid more times than anyone else ever has.
- I want to be with it all day, every day. When I’m not I almost have withdrawal symptoms.
If that isn’t the most epic romance then what is? Suck it Romeo.
Ps. Does this count as cheating on my actual human male of interest? Dat dilemma tho.
Okay bye I miss my phone already.